First and foremost... I realize that this blog is public HOWEVER, I trust that you guys will not abuse what follows. I have chosen to share the following about me as LIFE HAPPENS but it's how one handles the challenges and obstacles from what has been presented to them from LIFE. In addition, I also feel that my followers should know more about me so 'you' know that when I say in my classes "I know what it feels like to be face down in the gutter" that 'you' realize that I'm not just talking- I've walked the walk and have experienced the talk. So, get ready to take off...3-2-1- here we go...
Remember all those times in class when I said "there's a reason why you're here at BLR and I know it's not always about weight loss because something in your life has brought you to where you are health wise." Well, granted I did not gain weight from my something, but that doesn't make my something any less easier to confront. My something WAS a little something called depression- and I was in it in a very very very bad way.
Thirteen years ago at the not so mature age of 28, I was diagnosed as having severe clinical depression. So much to the point that I soon became a cutter and was in and out of what I refer to as 'happy places'- 5 places- not like I was keeping a scorecard but it's an actual fact.
Each time I was on the road to recovery I turned to exercise to get me through IT. I chose exercise as when one is engaged in exercise endorphines (the brains natural happy drug) is released into the blood stream which is where the 'exercise high' comes from. I am human and stumbled along the way hence the 5 visits- BUT when I FINALLY decided to take hold of ME, I dug in, stayed focused and grabbed life by it's blankety blank blank and started to kick IT (the negative stuff) in the blankety blank blank!!! Now you know where that saying of mine comes from.
There is one more saying that I share in my classes and it comes from my mom. I'm lucky to be able to say that my mom is my best friend so when she was sitting in my apartment after the release of my last 'happy place' visit, and was in tears it killed me that I was hurting a loved one so much. She left my apartment that afternoon telling me this: 'Tonia, I love you but I can't do this anymore- you have two choices- you can either be a fish in a fish bowl swimming around in circles or you can be that fish jump in the ocean and own the world. The choice is yours.'
So I will now sign off and will leave you this to ponder:
Are you a fish swimming around and around aimlessly in a bowl or will you be that fish, jump in the ocean and get out there today and go and kick some BLANKETY BLANK BLANK???
p.s. NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!!!
First of all,Tonia, you are truly amazing and inspirational and that was before I read this post! Now, you are only more motivating! I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your story. It shows that all of us can overcome our own demons and WIN! I can't begin to thank you for all of the encouragement you gave to Larry and I on our recent trip and are looking forward to coming back for more!
ReplyDeleteI also want you to know that I actually voluntarily ran on the treadmill for two minutes! That is definitely better than my last attempt! Keep those posts coming!
Like Tonia I too battled with depression as a result of an automobile accident that left me feeling helpless and insecure. I suffered a hang mans fracture along with a t spine and l spine fracture. A broken left wrist and a fractured rt. Femur. I had the entire back of my scalp transplanted and had the upper portion of my rt. arm grafted due to a burn. I was found dead and buried below my car, because of some idiot. So every year for 21/2 years I battled this demon. Then I engulfed myself into exercise and haven't looked back since. I've done what everyone has told me I would never be able to do
ReplyDeleteand I believe in myself. I believe that my mind drives my body and i can do anything I put my mind ro. So don't just set a goal go after it. You are worth the work, now go and get it.....GO
Thank you so much for sharing Tonia. I have def struggled with depression and always used to turn to food. I have found so much clarity in my life over the last year and now know there is nothing like the feeling after an awesome workout i feel like the weight loss is just a really nice added bonus.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tonia for being so real. You are an inspiration to us all. I also struggle with depression. It's a difficult thing to deal with sometimes. But I am learning new and better ways to deal with it. You are AWESOME!!!!
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